Yesterday was a hard food day. I made a number of wrong choices. Actually, it hasn't been a great week. I've indulged in pizza, candy, cookies, cheese cake--all sorts of things that don't support my desire to change my weight. Today, I felt motivated and followed my program until this evening. I had to stay late at work, got hungry and wanted to visit with my mother after work. I ate three bread sticks from Jet's Pizza. I was sorry I did it, but must admit that they tasted so damn good.
The hardest part of staying on program or committing to making good choices is that I want to live the way I want to live. I want to eat what I want when I want in the quantities that I want. At the same time, I don't find it acceptable to be as overweight as I am and I know that I've set myself up for all sorts of diseases and issues. My biggest fear is losing mobility. My back is bothering me and I know that if I could get some weight off I'd be better off.
I'm working on staying focused on the journey. What happens today isn't as important as what happens over the long haul. I need to assess my success on the whole as opposed to the part. That's hard for me. I feel very vulnerable. Food is a companion for me. I want it all the time. It sounds pathetic and tragic and weak in so many ways. I weigh damn near 300 pounds! What's the mystery? I need to make different choices.
Why is that so hard?
1 comment:
Hi! I found your blog by accident, because it is has a very similar name to my blog. So out of curiosity, I read your entries...and I wanted to let you know that I can very much relate to the food/weight issues you are struggling with , have stuggled with them for many years myself and am in the process of healing...although I have never discussed them on my blog, too much of a coward! It is a long process, but just take your time and do what you can day by day. It IS all about taking care of yourself. Good luck and I wish you all the best!
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