Day 2

I'm new to blogging and to using all this technology to express my thoughts and feelings. I've become immeasurably frustrated and saddened by my weight and I feel that I need a forum to share and perhaps connect with others about my challenges. I'm 39. I have 40 in a headlock and I weigh the most I've ever weighed in life. As I've gotten older, it's not only become harder to lose weight, but to find the motivation to do so. I feel hopeless. Fat. Unlovable. Tired. My weight brings up all sorts of emotional issues for me and I don't know how to contain them. I feel that I've been in a battle with my body that has lasted decades.

I want to break the cycle and am attempting to approach my latest weight loss effort as a journey to health and self acceptance rather than one of beating my body into submission and sacrifice. My thoughts about turning 40 are upbeat, by and large. I see it as a new beginning and a chance to make a whole host of exciting choices. I really want a fit and healthy body.

So, what have I done to achieve this? Well, I find that I most successful on a food program so I've joined Jenny Craig and am on day 2 of a 1500 calorie food program. Yesterday, I exceeded my calories by 235. Today, I exceeded by closer to 600 and am considering vomiting to feel less full. Something, I know not what, triggered me to eat beyond my allotment and fullness. I feel sad about that.

I'm on an exercise hiatus and am concerned that I won't be able to motivate myself to start up again. I just recovered from a bulged disk that caused pain in my left hip. I probably can't go full force, but I can do something. I plan to walk tomorrow morning.

What to do?