I feel really happy about the new direction my job has taken. I am looking forward to learning new stuff and raising some money. I think about going into another field, but then I think why? I'm not aware of any strong interests that I have so I suppose I should focus on other areas of my life.
My desire for a fit, healthy body is definitely related to wanting to look attractive and feel better, but also related to wanting to release something that I've perceived as being a burden. I feel that if I can master my weight and begin to consistently make healthy choices for myself, I can master other areas of my life and feel more confident, less vulnerable.
I don't know exactly why I have so many hangups about my weight. I feel often like the biggest person in the room and that people think I'm stupid for being so big. I feel like my thoughts and ideas don't count because I can't control what goes into my mouth or my size. Feelings that I've harbored for a long time. What's so curious to me is that I haven't been able to release them no matter how often they're debunked.
I wonder if my friends and family who might check in on the blog are shocked and amazed that I weigh as much as a pro football player. Hmmm...
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