Day 3

I walked from work to my mother's apartment today. It was hard. My back hasn't recovered yet and I suspect that the 15 pounds that I've gained are adding additional pressure. Very recently I was able to run Belle Isle, which is over five miles. Now I can't walk two without extreme burning in my hips and lower back. I don't know how much of this is due to the bulged disk and how much to weight.

I've also noticed that I seem to be less able to hold off on my need to pee. When I was walking today with my injured back, run down shoes and full bladder in the dark and cold, I thought that perhaps it was a bad idea to walk. I also thought that I'm tired. I want very much for someone to help me. To take care of me. Not financially, though that would be nice, but just to have someone care about my well being and spoil me a bit. I'm enjoying spoiling my mother in part because I want someone to spoil me. I love seeing her reaction to her apartment and her new life. I want to be around her so that I can soak up some of that.

So, I'm supposed to be talking about my weight loss journey. I think that all my thoughts and experiences are relevant to my weight issues. Today I enjoyed a sushi lunch with a former colleague. My time with her reminded me of how very happy I am that I no longer work for the YMCA. It was such a horrible culture and I feel damaged by my experience. I wish Gina the best and am happy that she's getting out.

Initially, I was opposed to hiring a communications director. But, thanks to a very productive and honest conversation, I am no longer the special events fundraiser and for that I am very pleased. Come on Communications Director! Bring it all you got!

Let's see, besides sushi nothing interest or dramatic on the food front. I feel some cracks in the foundation. I want to eat. A lot. Now. I so enjoy food and I regret that I can't eat with abandon. I regret that I'm 40 and weigh 280 pounds and have been forced into a position of having to deal with it.

I don't want to sound as though I feel sorry for myself because I don't. I don't take time to care for myself which is why I'm so heavy -- at least one of the reasons why. I feel blessed to be able to have the option of Jenny Craig and to have friends that support my efforts to drop pounds. I feel like now is a good time in my life to take care of myself and to think about what I value and what makes me happy and feel good. I'm excited about the people and energy that will be drawn to me as a result of this journey.

It's all good.