Day 14

I re-read my post from yesterday and it was pretty angry and negative. I do feel angry about having gotten to this point in my life and not gotten my weigh under control. I do feel hopeless. It is going to be a lot of work for me to change my mind about my weight loss abilities.

I don't think that it's pointless to talk to other people about my challenge. Amy's been reading and commenting on my entries and I really appreciate it. I've been reading her blog, too, and find her goal of running a half-marathon encouraging. I'm also encouraged by her suggesting that I find my own program and what works best for me. I choose to follow pre-existing programs because I feel like I need to be accountable to someone. The flaw in this is that I'm not fully accountable to me. I'm following a program rather than making a lifestyle change that will result in lifelong health and my ability to sustain my ideal weight.

I need to get back to exercising. My back still bothers me, but I can do something. I don't feel motivated to go back to a gym. I don't know what I want to do instead, though. I'd like to come home. To set up an area at home where I could work out and combine that with outdoors when the weather improves. Starting this week, I'm going to get back on my schedule which means that I'll be getting up in the morning and exercising before work.

I need to create a mantra or some affirmations to help me shift my thinking from "there's no way I can do this" to "of course I can do this."

I'm rethinking my choice of Jenny Craig. I'd like to create a program of my own that will help me achieve my goal. And one that I can follow for life.