My paperwork was submitted to my insurance company today. It feels like I've been suspended in time immediately before this moment for years. I was certain that I’d feel anxiety, but I don’t. No apprehension, stress, worry, fear – nothing but calm. It's just done. I can expect an answer sometime in the next month or so and that, too, will be what it is.
This is a milestone on the journey toward surgery and I feel like I should acknowledge it in some way. I jumped through the hoops and it wasn't so bad. The worst part really was the medically supervised program. I still feel bad about failing so spectacularly. My therapist reminded me that effort and active participation count for something. I showed up a minimum of once a month, sometimes more. I did my one-on-one workouts with the trainer, as well as group sessions. I believe the trainer took good notes about the physical challenges I'm having and that she understood the limitations they caused.
So, I release and I let go and await my response. It feels good to be at this place. No matter what, I'm closer to my goal than I've ever been.
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