A Breasts-Focused Day

So, I finally made it in for my mammogram appointment this morning. I couldn't quite figure out how to put the gown on so I asked Justine, my tech, what was front and what was back. She told me whatever I wanted to do was fine. I opted for opening in the front. I strap myself in (or so I think), fight with the little key and storage locker, turn to head to the exam room only to realize that the right one wasn't secured and I had just flashed Justine in the hallway. She looks at boobs all the time. Hopefully it's not the first time she's gotten a pre-exam flash.

Then there's J in my water aerobics class. She's a lively, amusing and, well, challenging personality. While doing a movement across the pool, she noticed my plunging neckline and screamed at the top of her lungs, "Titties! Titties! Titties!" I was so stunned I didn't know how to respond other than to say that they weren't exposed. I've been wearing this suit for the last several months. I don't know why she's just noticing my cleavage.

Nutty.

Other than my breasts-centered activities, it's been a lazy day. I looked up home stuff on the computer, read, watched TV, ate more junk than I want to see in print and napped. I'm a bit sad about the nap because I definitely won't sleep tonight. I simply couldn't keep my eyes open earlier. I feel irritable and think that it has a lot to do with my inability to sleep.

Other things on my mind have to do with work and home. MLB had a meeting with some former board members on Friday who have wanted to create a green business on the land across the street from our headquarters. The business would provide real jobs, as well as a source of earned income for GCFB. That is hot! I so want to be a part of helping to create that. The other projects we've been working on are equally hot and I am so grateful to be working on those, too. My issue is that I keep thinking, "well, I can't stay here forever. I have to be thinking about the next thing. I shouldn't get too invested." I do want to be invested. I do want to fully commit to my work at GCFB. I do want to learn about all the issues that we deal with. I really want to be there.
So why is it so difficult to just settle in and be okay with the fact that I've settled in?

It's the same with home. I know what I want my bathroom to look like and the types of materials I want to use, but I question whether or not I should spend the money. What if I over improve and am not able to get my money out of the renovation? Even though I'm not likely to move anytime soon because the market sucks, I'm in a house that I can afford and a neighborhood I like, and I can't afford to lose any money on a sale, I keep second guessing myself.

Why is it so difficult for me to just live in the house the way I want to live in it and not worry about whether or not it has a bathtub?

I think getting over these two issues is one of the many keys to my happiness. It's also key to me being more myself, expanding my knowledge, and having richer experiences in my life.