On Management

Time management, weight management, project management, home management, staff management, managing management. The data project at work is a bit overwhelming and I'm sorry that I sought help from the other staff. I should have just kept it inside of the department and solved all the problems myself. My quest for help came back to bite me in ways that I couldn't predict or imagine. It exhausts and confuses me.

There is a danger in asking for help that I find manifest in all areas of my life. I am having difficultly distinguishing between what I need to request help on and what I should tackle alone. What does help look like? How does one know when one has been helped especially when what one needs help with is intangible, immeasurable? What happens when it's not a task, but a change or a perception or a revelation? How do you know when the change is complete or the perception has been changed or the revelation been revealed? What if you don't like the outcome?

I'm probably suffering from an over analyzed life, but I can't help but be very aware of the vacancy in me and how I want desperately to fill it. Why is this important or fair? People in other cultures, people in the same culture have a lot less going for them than I do and they manage to live fulfilled lives. Why does what I feel matter? Should it matter? Is it selfish and petty to place any focus at all on my weight and food issues?

Are these issues simply about food and my lack of discipline? If so, I just need to buck up and get over it. I believe that it is, but at the same time I can't seem to commit to making change. I just don't know what to do. I was thinking that maybe I should adopt an alter ego and spend time as that person in other parts of the country or world. I don't know why, but I feel as though I have to do something drastic in order to become the change I want to see.

I guess that's it.