I withdrew for a while because I needed to re-assess how personal I wanted this to be. I want very much to talk and to be heard about some things that I can imagine make people feel uncomfortable and expose my vulnerabilities. This space has become about so very much more for me than weight and ultimately can reveal how to get myself under control. Am I ready? What will I learn? Can I be okay with it?
Right now I feel angry, lost and vacant. I don't know how to move past or resolve these feelings. I want something to mean something. I want to know that I'm doing something that makes a difference in the world. I want to scream about what I perceive as a dramatic plunge in morality, importance and focus taking place within American culture. I feel deeply distraught about the situation with the mayor and believe strongly that nothing will happen.
I have no belief that if he falls I'll feel that it makes up for all the disappointment and grief that I feel. I just feel that it's not okay to lie and cheat and engage in dastardly behavior with total disregard for other people. He completely misrepresented himself and it's not okay with me.
I don't know how to move away from this global malaise that I feel. I can't seem to focus my mind on things that I can change, effect, see. I've been thinking about taking a mission trip or volunteering. Perhaps if I can see how my life directly and positively impacts something I'll feel more calm. Right now I want to crawl out of my skin and eat fried foods!
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1 comment:
Glad you're back...but sorry to hear you struggling. I don't know what to tell you except hang in there, you're worth it. I wish you all the best.
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