I suspect I've been away because I've been good. Isn't that strange? Why is it that the facts that I've been approved for surgery, received a nice bonus from work, bought myself a Macbook Pro, found a new psychiatrist and gotten my meds adjusted and am feeling more balanced reasons to shy away from my blog? So I started wondering, am I a drama queen overly invested in examining my own pain? Am I a survivor so committed to my own healing that when I end up in a painful place I'll squirm and scream until I free myself of the pain and can reclaim my quiet place?
Is it a bit of both? Does it matter? Perhaps not. What I do know is that being in a content state is not comfortable for me. Depression and food dependence have been my companions for a long time and I'm realizing that I don't want or desire them anymore. I've begun the quest for suitable replacements; thoughts, activities and experiences that can become as comforting and familiar to me as eating and sadness once were. If I'm unsuccessful in my quest, four decades more are neither interesting nor useful.
The next step: create a multi-dimensional life that considers my spiritual, creative, physical, intellectual and emotional selves.
Okay--bring it on!
1 comment:
First and foremost, CONGRATS on your approval and all your other plusses! That is fantastic!
As for why you don't write when things are good, I think I know what it is -- at least in my life, that is.
It's like our relationship with God (for those who believe in God and/or have a relationship with Him) -- when things are bad, we draw to Him. When things are good, we all but forget about Him.
Same with other issues -- when we are sad/upset/hurt/disappointed, we need an outlet to get it all out. For many, that may include writing on a blog or keeping a journal.
I am working hard to post at least every couple days, good AND bad, so that I have some good things to go back to when I'm having a rough time.
You will find the comfort zone that works for you. Never forget to post the positive parts of your journey so that you can draw strength from them when things seem hard. :)
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